When someone hurts us or we’re frustrated or disappointed by their actions, we usually only concentrate on the negative in that moment, and often come up with lots of different examples of ways that they have also let us down in the past. It can kick start a perpetual cycle in your head, bringing up a lot of negative emotions and making it harder for you to forgive them (and also frustrating for them because you just won’t let it go!)
But when someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right. We all make mistakes, and we don’t want someone to drag up things we’re not proud of from our past, judging us based on the bad instead of the good. Give someone else that courtesy, and it’s an awesome way to show them that even though they did something wrong or hurtful, you still love them for all of the wonderful things they do right.
Game Plan: When someone does something wrong, instead of thinking, “he’s not a very good listener,” try making the positive argument and flipping it around to “he listens to what I’m saying”, and I bet you’ll be able to come up with some examples to the contrary. Your brain is quick to recall memories that support whatever theory you give it, so try building that person up instead of tearing them down. (It works for yourself too.)