We don’t think of our flaws as the glue that binds us to the people we love, but they are.
It is through our flaws that we receive grace. The people who love you don’t love you because you’re perfect, and I’m sure you can say the same about those that you love. Love isn’t conditional – it’s actually strengthened through letting our flaws and imperfections be known. When you open up and are vulnerable with those that you trust, you are ‘dropping the act’ and opening up for true intimacy. If you are always putting on a mask to try to make yourself appear more attractive, you are just building a barrier between you and other people. You may begin to feel like people will only love you if you’re perfect, which makes it hard to get close.
We don’t love other people because they’re perfect, because we know that we are not perfect either. When you can accept your own imperfections, you can realize that others can accept them too.
Game Plan: Before you can accept your imperfections, you have to be honest with yourself and realize what they are. Everyone has imperfections and nobody is perfect – it is what makes us human. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or that makes us less worthy of love. In his book Scary Close, Donald Miller notices that the most well-adjusted children came from families where the parents were open and honest about their own shortcomings. I think that when we can be honest with others about the things we struggle with (maybe it’s a mistake we’ve made, issues controlling temper, being emotionally sensitive or dealing with depression), it only makes the bond stronger because we realize that we are all just trying to figure things out and we’re not as alone as we thought we were.
Quote source: Donald Miller, Scary Close